By Tanni Haas

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, a great time for parents to think about how they can help their kids feel good about themselves and their bodies. Research shows that nearly two-thirds of kids are self-conscious about some aspect of their physical appearance and that negative body-image issues affect even kids as young as three years old. There’s a lot of useful information on how to nurture a positive body image, but are there things you should avoid saying or doing? Here’s what the experts suggest.

Don’t tell your kids they need to lose weight. “When kids are labeled as ‘fat,’ and when fat equates to bad, it sticks with them,” says Haley Kranstuber Horstman, PhD, a well-known professor of family communication. “These labels can make kids feel ashamed and even unlovable,” she adds. Encourage your kids to be physically active and eat only what their bodies need. This will help them to lose any excess weight naturally and make them feel better about themselves.

Don’t discuss your own need to lose weight. “Children learn how they should think and feel about their own bodies from listening to the adults around them,” says Renee Engeln, PhD, a psychology professor and author of Beauty Sick (Harper, 2017). “If you talk about your huge thighs, your latest weight loss diet, or your punishing workouts,” says Dayle Hayes, a registered dietician and coauthor of Moving Away from Diets (Helm, 2003), “your kids will pick up on these negative messages. They’ll begin to worry about the size of their thighs and think they should be dieting.” Engeln agrees: “If they hear adults engaging in negative body talk—always focusing on ‘problematic’ body areas—kids get the impression that bodies can never be good enough as they are.” Simply put: “Ditch the diet talk,” as Emily Lauren Dick, the author of Body Positive: A Guide To Loving Your Body (Familius, 2021), puts it. If you feel the need to lose weight, emphasize how important it is to stay healthy.

Don’t comment on other people’s bodies. When kids “hear adults disparage other people’s bodies,” Engeln says, “they learn to apply the same sort of criticism to themselves when they look in the mirror.” Even positive comments can be detrimental, such as when we say someone “looks so much better now that they’ve lost all that weight.” “Instead of commenting on how their current body looks compared to their past body, compliment their hard work, dedicated effort, and resiliency,” suggest family physician Sasha Ulrich, MD, and clinical psychologist Deidre Paulson, PhD.

Don’t encourage your kids to nibble. Horstman defines a nibbler as “the person at the party who eats one carrot stick, only to be dipped lightly in fat-free dressing, and claims that they’re full—the fullest they’ve ever been, in fact.” This type of “restrictive eating,” as Horstman refers to it, is problematic for three reasons: 1) Kids will feel bad about themselves; 2) they won’t be satisfied; and 3) they’ll just end up making up for their hunger at the next meal. If your kids are hungry in between meals, offer them a nutritious snack.

Don’t pressure your kids to eat only certain foods. Don’t suggest that your kids should eat only certain “good” foods and avoid all “bad” foods. “The foods you restrict or place rigid limits around,” says Sumner Brooks, a registered dietician and coauthor of How to Raise an Intuitive Eater (St. Martin’s Essentials, 2022), “are very likely to become the most desired foods, and it gives these foods a lot of power as ‘special’ or ‘forbidden.’ The result? Kids may choose to eat more of these foods when you’re not around. [They may] hide or sneak them or learn to feel bad about themselves for even wanting them.” More generally, Brooks says, “precious family time can be overtaken by arguments about a child’s eating, instead of meals being about positive connection and chatting about the day.” 

Instead of labeling food as “good” or “bad,” let kids “know that certain choices are better for growing, strength, and concentration,” says Dianna Chillo-Havercamp, a licensed clinical social worker with expertise in children. Angela Celio Doyle, PhD, a clinical psychologist, agrees. She suggests that parents teach their kids “that all food consists of varying levels of nutrition and calories.” ϖ

Tanni Haas, PhD, is a college communications professor.