By Sandi Schwartz

Do you know how your children feel about themselves? The way we feel about ourselves falls under the umbrella of self-esteem. We hear about self-esteem so much during the teenage years, but building healthy self-esteem begins much earlier in a child’s life. 

Children who have healthy self-esteem feel valued, accepted, confident, and proud. They think positive things about themselves and are prepared to face everyday stresses and challenges. 

How To Raise Children With Healthy Self-Esteem

Although self-esteem begins forming at a very early age, we can take action to build confidence at any time. A healthy level of confidence will help our children immensely, from minimizing the effects of anxiety to so many other important benefits that will help them be successful. 

The first aspect of self-esteem that we need to realize as parents is that our children do not become confident because we praise them constantly and reward them for every little move they make. Instead, children need to lose and fail in order to build resiliency so they can keep on learning and growing. 

Self-esteem results from experiences in which children feel accepted, capable, and effective. Here are some ways that you can help your child build their self-esteem based on these three criteria: 

Accepted

Love your children unconditionally. Let your children know that you love them no matter how much they fail or how many bad decisions they make. Let them know that perfection is not the goal. Learning, growing, trying new things, and experiencing all that life has to offer is more important than whether they win or lose, pass or fail. 

Show them you understand them. When kids feel understood by a parent, they are likely to accept themselves, too. Keep the line of communication open and be a supportive listener. 

Make them feel special. Help your children discover their interests, talents, and strengths and teach them that it is ok to feel proud of their own accomplishments.

Avoid harsh criticism. Be careful how you speak to your children—the words and tone you use impact their self-worth. 

Capable

Praise strategically. Praising our kids too much can backfire. Try praising their effort or attitude as opposed to qualities they can’t change like their athletic ability. Also, avoid focusing on results (such as getting an A) and more on the hard work they put into something.  

Let them do things themselves. Step back and allow your children to try new activities without holding their hand. Give them the space to take risks and make mistakes so they can learn how to solve problems on their own. They will feel so proud when they accomplish tasks by themselves.

Support them from a distance. When teaching them how to do new things, let them know that you are available to help them if they need it. Then let them do what they can, even if they make mistakes. Keep challenging them to reach new levels. 

Expand their horizons. Give them plenty of opportunities to try new activities, see new places, and meet different people. The more their comfort zone expands, the better they will handle worrisome situations in the future. If they are scared, encourage them, but don’t push too hard. 

Effective

Set realistic, attainable goals. By setting goals, we help encourage our children to take on new challenges. Then when they reach them, they are so happy and proud of their accomplishments. Be sure to set SMART goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and timely. Being flexible is also important throughout this process.  

Let them make their own choices. Give your kids the chance to make some age-appropriate choices, such as picking out their own clothes, what snack to eat, or which toy to take on vacation. Allowing our kids to make their own decisions will help them feel powerful and confident. They will also learn how to consider the consequences of their decisions and to take responsibility for their actions. A really good trick is to give them three options to choose from, which still gives them a sense of empowerment.

Give them responsibilities. In building self-esteem, kids need opportunities to demonstrate their competence and value. Give them some simple chores to do around the house—no reward necessary because their reward will be how proud they feel. 

Sandi Schwartz is a multi-award-winning author, freelance journalist, and mother of two. Both her parenting books, Finding Ecohappiness: Fun Nature Activities to Help Your Kids Feel Happier and Calmer, and children’s book, Sky’s Search for Ecohappiness, are available now.