By Sarah Lyons

New parenthood is hard. There is always something to be done, someone who needs assistance, and multiple things to worry about. Some worries are valid, but there are some we need to let go …

Personal Expectations. Before I became a parent, I had high expectations for myself as a mother. I had things I wanted to do and things I declared I would never do. After my first child was born, I quickly realized that I would change my perspective on most pre-child declarations. When parents accept that they are doing the best they can, at that moment, for their kids, they will be able to cross this worry off their list. 

Guilt. Do you worry that you don’t spend enough time with your child? Do you feel guilty you were not able to breastfeed? We all have to make choices and sometimes those choices cause unnecessary guilt. Let go of those feelings and focus on all the things you are doing for your child.

Outward Appearances. A tidy house, a perfectly decorated home, an amazing wardrobe, all organic, home-cooked meals, the perfect marriage, smart children, and a partridge in a pear tree. This is not a realistic, reachable goal. 

It is easy to get caught up in what our families look like to others. It does not matter if your children wear perfectly coordinating outfits. Is your child dressed in weather appropriate clothing? Great. Does it match? It’s your lucky day. Social media puts so much pressure on us to keep up with what we believe others are doing. Embrace the fact that no one is really perfect and nobody’s expecting you to be.

What Ifs. Parents often worry about things that haven’t even happened yet. What if he gets sick? What if she falls and gets hurt? What if I forget something important? What ifs are not worth the energy they use. Acknowledge they are unnecessary and decide not to waste time on them. Face the problems in front of you rather than worrying about issues that do not exist.

Comparisons. Don’t compare yourself to other parents. Your family is unique. Your circumstances are unique. Do the best you can for your family and forget the rest. Your parenting style for your children will be different from others, but that doesn’t mean it is bad. Another pitfall is comparing your children to their siblings or other children their age. Each child has their own unique personality and will develop at their own rate. If you feel your concerns are valid, consult your child’s doctor for peace of mind. 

Mistakes. Every parent makes mistakes and it is easy to spend time worrying about what should have been done differently. The past cannot be changed and although not easy to do, we must let go of things we cannot change. We can learn from our mistakes and continue to do our best in the future. Parents have permission to let go of past mistakes and teach their children to do the same. 

Control. I am a recovering control freak. With each child we added to our family, I was worn down a little more. When our triplets arrived, it finally dawned on me that I am not in control. Once I realized (and accepted) this fact, a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Yes, my husband and I are still in charge of the household, but I cannot control what happens in life. It’s a roller coaster, instead of trying to steer, throw your arms up in the air and enjoy the ride. 

Learning to let go of these worries usually leads to feelings of relief. Remembering that each family is unique and each parent handles situations differently, it is easier to relax and enjoy your  family more.

Parenthood changes you and while it’s freeing to let go of unnecessary worry, there are some things parents should still hold onto …

• Interests and hobbies.

• Your relationship with your significant other.

• Maintaining a healthy diet and exercise routine.

• Friendships. 

• Encouragement of others.

• Who you are outside of your role as parents.

For new and veteran parents alike, learning what to let go of and what to hold onto is hard, but can help you enjoy the moment more so than regretting the past or fretting about what is yet to come. 

Sarah Lyons, mother of six, has learned to let go of many things over the years to maintain a happy and functioning household.