By Jessica Guerrieri

We can’t afford it.” 

That’s what my dad said when I asked him for a candy bar. It was my parents’ standard reply for all my childhood nags, whether for chocolate or kitties. But fifty cents was too much? It didn’t feel fair.

I still remember how I swore right then and there that when I became a grown-up, I’d fill my cart with candy bars and a Noah’s Ark of baby animals.

And that is why this adulting thing is really hard. It’s bad enough that I have to be the one that ensures that everyone wears jackets and no one eats the Fruit Loops found in the dirt at the playground. But saying no to dessert and adorable pets? Ugh.

I know I’m not the only one who struggles. See Exhibit A:

We were at a pumpkin patch near our house that has baby farm animals kids can hold. We’re talking the full cornucopia of cuteness—chicks, ducks, bunnies, and kittens.

While my youngest was attempting to ride the pregnant pigmy goats, I overheard a fellow mother telling her kids, “We can’t get a kitten because they are not for sale.”

Without missing a beat, her eight-
year-old pointed out a large sign that said, “All animals are for sale.” (Boy, it’s fun when kids learn to read!)

“Well, we don’t have enough room for a kitten.”

“But we have enough room for a dog?”

Checkmate. 

They left with not one, but two kittens.

I was a little more successful when I explained to my daughters why three bunnies and one dog are more than enough animals for any one household. “A kitten in our house would make all our current pets sad,” is just code for I simply cannot handle any more poop in my life. I just can’t. End of story.

Of course, my inner candy-bar-
loving kid would love to sit out on my rocking chair all day watching my very own petting zoo as I devour king-sized Reese’s. But I’m a mom and the switch has been flipped. I get it now, Dad. I can’t afford to waver.

Jessica Guerrieri is a mom, humorist, and writer. Find her at witandspitup.com and on Instagram @witandspitup.