By Pam Moore

Dirty socks are mixed in with a pile of Legos. Shoes, barrettes, and random beads litter one corner of the room. Open books cover the bed, spines facing up, to hold the page in the absence of bookmarks. The dress-up basket lies upside down atop a sea of tulle, spandex, and polyester. My preschooler’s room drives me crazy. 

How can we get kids invested in cleaning their rooms?

1. Make it simple.

• Have a place for things. It’s easier to tidy when there is a place for everything. You don’t have to spend a lot of money on a complicated system. Boxes and baskets you already have will do the job. A shoebox can store blocks, or a laundry basket can house stuffed animals.

• Minimize stuff. Fewer things means less work, less overwhelm, and less chance of tripping. I do stealth purges, leaving my kids’ toys in a holding area before donating them, in case they ask for the missing toys before I get to Goodwill. However, my kids (ages 3 and 5) are often willing to collect toys for needy kids when asked.

• Break it down. The idea of cleaning a messy room is overwhelming (even for adults), until you break it down into smaller pieces. Child therapist Maria Arias recommends letting kids choose a task. My daughter usually throws a fit when it’s time to clean her room, but if I ask, “Do you want to start with books or clothes?” she’ll pick one and get started. Often, children respond better to a task list, than to verbal instructions. You can write a to-do list with your child, or use a picture schedule for younger kids who can’t read yet. Executive function and organization coach Kate Paisley Kennedy recommends breaking a project like room cleaning into time-based chunks, to avoid overwhelm. For example, you can set a timer for five minutes, and take a break at that point.

2. Make it routine.

Some parents report a total absence of power struggles or negotiations in order to get their kids to clean their rooms. With kids 3–12 years old, these parents had one thing in common: They’d established a solid cleanup routine when their kids were very young.

Jill Ceder, a psychotherapist and parent coach, recommends not only expecting kids to do chores when they’re young, but also building cleanup into their schedule. For example, the routine could be to clean their bedroom every Saturday morning, every night before dinner, or before starting a new activity. What matters is that the routine is consistent and that kids know the consequence for not participating (e.g. they don’t get to go to gymnastics or have screen time if it’s not done).

3. Make it clear.

Arias emphasizes the importance of clearly communicating your expectations and why they matter. To do this, she recommends:

• Showing your child a picture of their clean room.

• Explaining the motivation behind the goal. Arias encourages parents to emphasize safety by saying something like, “Let’s pick up the toys so no one will fall.” (Note: This is very different than howling in pain and threatening to burn all the Legos when you step on one.)

• Putting it in the context of helpfulness by saying something like, “When the room is clean, we can be on time to school, which is helpful to the teachers and the other students.”

4. Make it fun.

Parents reported the following strategies to infuse fun into the process.

• Set a timer and dare your kid to beat the clock (“I bet you can’t get this done in less than five minutes!”)

• “Race” to see who can clean up more blocks, while getting down on the floor to help younger kids.

• Load toys in a dump truck and let kids make the truck unload them into the appropriate bin.

• Play “cleaning crew.”

• Make a game of putting away specific items, like hunting for all the blue things or anything round.

5. Make it rewarding.

According to Paisley Kennedy, “a positive reward works eight times faster than a negative consequence.” The reward can be as simple as stickers or verbal praise. Ceder agrees that it’s important to praise effort. She encourages parents to take note whenever their kids take responsibility for their messes, “and use this as a time to connect, engage, show appreciation and encouragement.” ϖ

Pam Moore is an award-winning freelance writer, intuitive eating coach, and host of the Real Fit podcast. Find her at pam-moore.com.